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I watch you sleep,
Your breaths shallow and deep,
And you don't know it yet,
That my mind swirls with instant regrets.
I can't bear to see you go,
For you will, eventually, I know,
And if I were to fall and bleed,
Only you would know how to fix me.
If I were to be lost with doubt,
Only you could seek me out,
And fix these broken parts,
And seam my breaking heart.
Without you things seem in a haze,
And some say it is merely a phase,
But if I were to forget whom I was,
Only you could find a cause.
A reason to be here today,
A permanent reason to stay.
And as the hungry fire consumes us all,
I press myself against this wall,
And know that if I were to break,
The pieces of my heart I'd let you take.
Its all I can hear,
All I can bear,
This mind that only ponders,
If I were to forget my place,
Seal myself inside a case,
I would want you to save me,
Because without you, things are hazy.
The Lying GameHave you ever felt love
so divine yet unreal
so beautiful yet forbidden
so unwanted yet sealed?
Have you ever clicked with someone
you never thought to see
in such a divine way
they made your heart fill with glee?
Is it so much to ask
to want to hold someone's hand
yet still they hide from you
and you run at their demand?
Is it to much to want
them to see you in the same light
to fill the hole in your heart
and the empty space in your night?
To wrap them in your arms
and never let them go
and yet here you love them
and they don't even know.
Half hidden love
is quite a shame
yet the fault is the one
who plays the Lying Game.
-9:07 pm, 4/21/13
The Happiest MiseryThe happiest hours of life
Are the early hours of the morning
When one might wake in a sleep haze
Without the identity of their society upon them.
~8:59 pm, 2/9/13
Something to end the misery
Of watching this glorious march
Through gray and endless days.
~9:00 pm, 2/9/13
me a story
of a past
~9:02 pm, 2/9/13
Coffin of GlassI heard you settled down
In a valley in the forest
With your little forest friends
Remaining loyal as you weep.
You remind me of a tale
One I like to call Snow White
Slowly fading to eternity
In a coffin made of glass.
Drowning HerselfShe was drowning
of iridescent pain
around her neck
gulping in air
upon the surface
Whispers in the Darklittle whispers in the dark
in the early hours
of the morning
in the dark.
~8:48 pm, 2/9/13
Wars and PeopleI've got a war in my mind
Yes some might say its true
All I know from this point on
Is the war started off with you.
~8:35 pm, 2/9/13
Who are you?
Are you the shadows
that follow me?
Are you the copy
that teases me?
Are you the dreams
upon my eyelids?
Are you the demon
that taunts my night?
Are you my hope
of the day's tomorrow?
Are you a bird,
without wings to fly?
Who are you?
It seems I've forgotten
your name and your address
So why waste my time
On the worries in my head
When it makes me lay awake
On my very bed.
~8:43 pm, 2/9/13
MonstersWatching my own insanity
From the tip top of my head
For the monsters that I've known for years
Are no longer under the bed.
They came for me long ago,
Moved straight to my head
To watch my skin now bruised and blue
Oh, they watched it as it bled.
InsanityI have a box full of wishes
Most of them about you
I hope that a may see a star
To make them all come true.
~8:22 pm, 2/9/13
In my closet is a skeleton
Its boney and its pale
Its dusty and red
From where it bled,
In that most peculiar tale.
Yes it is peculiar,
But it is also true,
Right down to the wishing bones
Where I may have wished for you.
~8:25 pm, 2/9/13
My room expresses who I am
In its truest form
An everchanging insanity
To whoms secrets I have sworn.
~8:28 pm, 2/9/13
Unable to loveMy love was pure
I only wanted
But my heart
Because my love
Like a piece of garbage
And now I'm unable
Because the shreds
Of my shattered soul
now i see the stars.there was a time when i
couldn't catch my breath whenever i
thought about you , (crippled lungs and-
boy, you hit me like an asteroid,
there's a crater on my chest now that I can't ever seem to fill,
oceans of my tears cried on
nights when you couldn't be there to sing me to sleep.
thirty two poemless days after you joined the constellations,
i walked out into the yard and howled to the empty sky,
for a moment i was Gaea, rivers running down my cheeks,
weighted to the ground and
buried in myself, but
where there is no light there are no shadows, and
sometimes, i wonder if i miss me.
yes, yes i do.
i may not see the moon, but
MathematicsI am but the sum of my
F L A W S;
a network of
S C A R S
a disaster of
D R E A M S
a shield of
B O N E S
C A L C U L A T I O N
a void of
to the girl i lose my words aroundi have been meaning to tell you for years:
i think you’re beautiful. i have
seen nothing on earth that holds a candle
to the ocean you carry inside your body.
it spills over your edges sometimes, like
a rain shower around you, blurring your penciled-in
lines until there is nothing left of you but your natural
cliffs, valleys, and deserts.
i like that.
i have never met someone who is, somehow,
a sea and a storm at the same time.
maybe i never will again.
maybe you are the only one
who gathers clouds on her forehead
like a promise, or feels the push and pull of the tide
with her every step.
you are beautiful, honestly.
you are honest, beautifully.
it is in the way you talk, the way you hold ice
on your tongue but forget to use it—
you always forget to use it, i don’t think
you know how.
to be truthful, i’m afraid of your smile
and how it breaks over me, how it pulls
me like a whirlpool down, how it pushes me
like a current back to the surface. i’m afraid of
Abuse Is Sometimes NecessaryPush and pull at her long hair, topple her to the solid ground,
elbow her sharply in the raw gut, shove her harshly around.
Scratch him in the pale face, punch him in the broken jaw,
do anything necessary to him that's considered breaking the law.
And when she cries because you've punched her, let her be,
and observe her when she returns to her habitual smoking.
When she passes out next day, because she's drunken too much booze,
slap her in the face once more, though many would consider it abuse.
When he can hardly walk because he thinks he's high in the clouds,
rip the needle out of his arm, and with your nails, slash him across the sweaty brow.
Grab them and shake them till their battered and bruised,
tear at their heart, scream in their ears until you've reached the point of verbal abuse.
And when she falls into your chest, and he collapses to the ground,
pull them closely, and whisper, “We can turn this all around.”
And rehab is a necessity for all of you, because you'v
i am made of nights like theseativan boy, you cannot empty out this skull -
not with a pen nor with a bullet. you can
be my hallowed head(case) for spitting out
words like teeth; oh, but i will only love you
when you're weary. i will keep crows caged
between your lungs like veins, like palpitations.
i will rot you through bones & car radios,
but i will never get (you) out of your skin.
ScienceI am more than my
F L A W S;
a masterpiece of
S C A R S
a delicacy of
D R E A M S
a sculpture of
B O N E S
R E A C T I O N
a well of
Good (Great, Greater, Greatest, You)Good (Great, Greater, Greatest, You)
I hope the title caught your eye,
because this is about you.
Many of us speak in superlatives
and ambiguous language.
In imagery-laden text masquerading
underneath double entendres
keeping us from a part of the truth.
But purple streaks and red bands,
harp strings and soft hands
don't begin to explain
the love I have for you.
So I lay these words down
simple in its vulnerability,
blemished and raw in its purity.
The term lissome fits you in many ways,
but not necessarily it its textbook form.
I speak on the part that is not readily seen
but what is easily most cogent.
Your consciousness' cognizance
is graceful in the way
you fold one syllable over
another, supple in its meaning
that can take many forms
going from idle lies
to how we idolize hollow eyes
and uncovered hip bones.
Elegance is an understatement,
but I refuse to speak in cliche superlatives.
I speak honestly
but not with exaggerated grandeur.
Because your immediate app
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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