on the floor
pale blue lips
her lungs threatened
I watch you sleep,
Your breaths shallow and deep,
And you don't know it yet,
That my mind swirls with instant regrets.
I can't bear to see you go,
For you will, eventually, I know,
And if I were to fall and bleed,
Only you would know how to fix me.
If I were to be lost with doubt,
Only you could seek me out,
And fix these broken parts,
And seam my breaking heart.
Without you things seem in a haze,
And some say it is merely a phase,
But if I were to forget whom I was,
Only you could find a cause.
A reason to be here today,
A permanent reason to stay.
And as the hungry fire consumes us all,
I press myself against this wall,
And know that if I were to break,
The pieces of my heart I'd let you take.
Its all I can hear,
All I can bear,
This mind that only ponders,
If I were to forget my place,
Seal myself inside a case,
I would want you to save me,
Because without you, things are hazy.
The Lying GameHave you ever felt love
so divine yet unreal
so beautiful yet forbidden
so unwanted yet sealed?
Have you ever clicked with someone
you never thought to see
in such a divine way
they made your heart fill with glee?
Is it so much to ask
to want to hold someone's hand
yet still they hide from you
and you run at their demand?
Is it to much to want
them to see you in the same light
to fill the hole in your heart
and the empty space in your night?
To wrap them in your arms
and never let them go
and yet here you love them
and they don't even know.
Half hidden love
is quite a shame
yet the fault is the one
who plays the Lying Game.
-9:07 pm, 4/21/13
The Happiest MiseryThe happiest hours of life
Are the early hours of the morning
When one might wake in a sleep haze
Without the identity of their society upon them.
~8:59 pm, 2/9/13
Something to end the misery
Of watching this glorious march
Through gray and endless days.
~9:00 pm, 2/9/13
me a story
of a past
~9:02 pm, 2/9/13
Coffin of GlassI heard you settled down
In a valley in the forest
With your little forest friends
Remaining loyal as you weep.
You remind me of a tale
One I like to call Snow White
Slowly fading to eternity
In a coffin made of glass.
Drowning HerselfShe was drowning
of iridescent pain
around her neck
gulping in air
upon the surface
Whispers in the Darklittle whispers in the dark
in the early hours
of the morning
in the dark.
~8:48 pm, 2/9/13
Wars and PeopleI've got a war in my mind
Yes some might say its true
All I know from this point on
Is the war started off with you.
~8:35 pm, 2/9/13
Who are you?
Are you the shadows
that follow me?
Are you the copy
that teases me?
Are you the dreams
upon my eyelids?
Are you the demon
that taunts my night?
Are you my hope
of the day's tomorrow?
Are you a bird,
without wings to fly?
Who are you?
It seems I've forgotten
your name and your address
So why waste my time
On the worries in my head
When it makes me lay awake
On my very bed.
~8:43 pm, 2/9/13
MonstersWatching my own insanity
From the tip top of my head
For the monsters that I've known for years
Are no longer under the bed.
They came for me long ago,
Moved straight to my head
To watch my skin now bruised and blue
Oh, they watched it as it bled.
InsanityI have a box full of wishes
Most of them about you
I hope that a may see a star
To make them all come true.
~8:22 pm, 2/9/13
In my closet is a skeleton
Its boney and its pale
Its dusty and red
From where it bled,
In that most peculiar tale.
Yes it is peculiar,
But it is also true,
Right down to the wishing bones
Where I may have wished for you.
~8:25 pm, 2/9/13
My room expresses who I am
In its truest form
An everchanging insanity
To whoms secrets I have sworn.
~8:28 pm, 2/9/13
It's OkayIt's okay to be sad.
It's okay to be mad.
It's okay to cry,
To not have the strength to try.
Sometimes people just need to
Let it all out,
Scream and shout,
And that's okay.
Admitting something's wrong
Doesn't take your strength away.
Ask for help
If you need it.
Don't feel weak
Just because you
Enough to move mountains.
Crying is good.
If you didn't cry
Just bottle it up
Until you burst.
You don't even
Need a reason
Just have a good cry.
Take a long bath
And watch a movie
That makes you laugh.
Bake a cake
Just for the sake
Of making something.
Lay in bed
Until the bad thoughts
Leave your head.
Just sit back and relax.
Because it's okay
To not be okay,
And to take a day
Just for you.
You're a Literal MiracleNext time you’re unhappy.
Think about this.
Remember that you are a walking,
You are alive based on so many chances.
So many different thing could’ve happened.
You’re still here.
You are literally made of stardust.
Matter that has been around,
Since the beginning of time.
Dreams and hopes
Forged in the belly of distant stars.
You have cosmos in your veins.
And eyes that have stardust in them,
That have seen the dawn and ending to galaxies.
I know it’s easy to forget this,
But it’s true.
Everything about you
And me and everything else around you.
Is a miracle.
So many perfect things had to come into place,
For you to be standing here today.
So smile sweet heart.
Cause you are a beautiful phenomenon
That was created by miraculous chance.
Words Are Powerful ThingsYou’re so angry
You let words swarm up inside.
Screaming to get out.
They yell and shout.
They sit there,
Turning into horrid things that should never be even whispered,
In the softest tone.
You get so angry
Cause you’re so afraid.
Like so many other people
You let your fear burst into rage.
The monstrous words inside of you
Refuse to remain in their cages.
You let those words escape your lips,
All of the sudden you feel like your words have killed someone.
As you see their face.
Words are suddenly bullets.
They’ve pierced your victim’s heart.
Fragments of a once pretty, friendship scatter on the floor.
The pieces so broken, I doubt you could find all of the shards to make it whole again.
There’s a slamming of a door.
Whether that be real,
Or just a metaphor.
To say you’ve been locked out,
From this once dear friend of yours.
I hope one day.
You’ll find better words
To form a key.
So you can find your way back to them.
This is anxietyIt's the constant feeling of not quite right
and I don't know why I feel this way but it hurts
(but not in ways that others can understand)
and it's the tension in your chest, the rising water
the aching muscles and the clenching in your core
That never leaves
It's the headache that never quite fades,
just hurts sometimes more than others.
It's the constant need to move with your racing thoughts—
to bounce or twitch or
glance around the room every three seconds just to make sure you're not being watched, you're not being judged
It's two a.m. and you're lying
facedown on top of hot sheets, such an empty shell
you don't even have the energy to cry over how tired you are
wondering if there's any way to turn your mind off,
when you can't even remember what sleep feels like because it's been so long
since you really had a true rest.
It's wandering through your days almost
walking into that door and
not catching half of what your teacher says because your eyes hurt
untitledthere are a thousand
unwritten love letters in your eyes
now I keep thinking about
and the color green
all I know is that
my skull's been
warriors traversing well worn paths
boots leaving tracks across
chests and necks
and it's comfortable
it's not like drowning
more like slowly lowering
into hot bathwater
and we are just skin and cosmos
bodies and words
our tongues landlocked
we are adrift in
our own little sea
we've plucked our wings
and now we can't fly
tell me the truth
that the sky's overrated
I'd rather be with you
on the ground
or buried beneath it
skeletons entwined truthfully
I've always thought heaven was
a pretty sort of lie
but I've read a book or two
or people's idea of it
and I disagree with myself
popping thought balloons
on the idea that heaven
is in the way your eyes
fold origami swans when you smile
that shitty laugh
that hollow above your heart
like your chest's caving i
novelthere’s tea you still need to drink.
you left it on the counter again, because you’re
always forgetting where you put it.
it’s probably cold by now, but
it’s there for whenever you’re ready.
here’s a blanket to lose yourself in.
you don’t have to give it back.
here’s another book i think
will make you cry if i ever find the courage
to give it to you. i’ve underlined every
line that made me want to scream, that made me
want to rip out my hair and destroy everything
beautiful about myself, that made me want to
drive across a desert in the middle of the night,
that made me fall in love with everything wonderful
the universe has left to give me.
i can’t find the words to tell you what it’s about.
i guess it’s about growing up and finding love
but it’s also about figuring out how to exist comfortably
and it’s about people who are good and people who
are not always good and the things they do and the worlds t