on the floor
pale blue lips
her lungs threatened
I watch you sleep,
Your breaths shallow and deep,
And you don't know it yet,
That my mind swirls with instant regrets.
I can't bear to see you go,
For you will, eventually, I know,
And if I were to fall and bleed,
Only you would know how to fix me.
If I were to be lost with doubt,
Only you could seek me out,
And fix these broken parts,
And seam my breaking heart.
Without you things seem in a haze,
And some say it is merely a phase,
But if I were to forget whom I was,
Only you could find a cause.
A reason to be here today,
A permanent reason to stay.
And as the hungry fire consumes us all,
I press myself against this wall,
And know that if I were to break,
The pieces of my heart I'd let you take.
Its all I can hear,
All I can bear,
This mind that only ponders,
If I were to forget my place,
Seal myself inside a case,
I would want you to save me,
Because without you, things are hazy.
The Lying GameHave you ever felt love
so divine yet unreal
so beautiful yet forbidden
so unwanted yet sealed?
Have you ever clicked with someone
you never thought to see
in such a divine way
they made your heart fill with glee?
Is it so much to ask
to want to hold someone's hand
yet still they hide from you
and you run at their demand?
Is it to much to want
them to see you in the same light
to fill the hole in your heart
and the empty space in your night?
To wrap them in your arms
and never let them go
and yet here you love them
and they don't even know.
Half hidden love
is quite a shame
yet the fault is the one
who plays the Lying Game.
-9:07 pm, 4/21/13
The Happiest MiseryThe happiest hours of life
Are the early hours of the morning
When one might wake in a sleep haze
Without the identity of their society upon them.
~8:59 pm, 2/9/13
Something to end the misery
Of watching this glorious march
Through gray and endless days.
~9:00 pm, 2/9/13
me a story
of a past
~9:02 pm, 2/9/13
Coffin of GlassI heard you settled down
In a valley in the forest
With your little forest friends
Remaining loyal as you weep.
You remind me of a tale
One I like to call Snow White
Slowly fading to eternity
In a coffin made of glass.
Drowning HerselfShe was drowning
of iridescent pain
around her neck
gulping in air
upon the surface
Whispers in the Darklittle whispers in the dark
in the early hours
of the morning
in the dark.
~8:48 pm, 2/9/13
Wars and PeopleI've got a war in my mind
Yes some might say its true
All I know from this point on
Is the war started off with you.
~8:35 pm, 2/9/13
Who are you?
Are you the shadows
that follow me?
Are you the copy
that teases me?
Are you the dreams
upon my eyelids?
Are you the demon
that taunts my night?
Are you my hope
of the day's tomorrow?
Are you a bird,
without wings to fly?
Who are you?
It seems I've forgotten
your name and your address
So why waste my time
On the worries in my head
When it makes me lay awake
On my very bed.
~8:43 pm, 2/9/13
MonstersWatching my own insanity
From the tip top of my head
For the monsters that I've known for years
Are no longer under the bed.
They came for me long ago,
Moved straight to my head
To watch my skin now bruised and blue
Oh, they watched it as it bled.
InsanityI have a box full of wishes
Most of them about you
I hope that a may see a star
To make them all come true.
~8:22 pm, 2/9/13
In my closet is a skeleton
Its boney and its pale
Its dusty and red
From where it bled,
In that most peculiar tale.
Yes it is peculiar,
But it is also true,
Right down to the wishing bones
Where I may have wished for you.
~8:25 pm, 2/9/13
My room expresses who I am
In its truest form
An everchanging insanity
To whoms secrets I have sworn.
~8:28 pm, 2/9/13
BetrayalEvery day the same old lies,
That cut and sever weakened ties,
Of bonds that were never meant to be,
Just drowning in an endless sea.
Of strangers in a faceless crowd.
It's because of you,
Now I hope you're proud.
Of what you did to this now tainted soul.
Beaten, broken, swallowed whole,
By the darkness invited to envelop my being.
They always say that believing is seeing.
But I guess that's just it,
you see my forced smile.
After all it's been plastered on my face for awhile.
But is it too late? I don't really know.
But the longer I sit here,
The more darkness will grow.
Am I too far gone? Is there no hope?
Will I keep slipping down this bottomless slope?
Do you see now what you have done?
I give up...now you have won.
I'm trapped, enslaved in this dark empty trance.
I say I am fine...
But will you risk that chance?
Aurora CorporealisOn those days, you leapt from planes
unafraid to fall because you were already flying.
On those days, you did not speak
because the words slipped between your vocal cords
and could not make a sound.
On those days, I could see you through vast skies
over open oceans and beyond slow-falling snow
because you stood so tall in a crowd of billions.
On those days, you were the northern lights
and the whole world became the southern hemisphere.
On those days, I watched your horizon turn on itself.
Frost crept over your limbs and hail fell into the firmament.
I was not afraid because I did not understand.
On this day, I erode under warm water,
crumble into clay against the wall,
hyperventilate as steam fills my lungs
and I write my worry into words.
I am afraid because I understand.
JudgmentCapricious, erratic creatures,
You observe the likeness of unknown features,
Condemning, curving your mouth with disdain
For the decorum of oneself shall obey your malicious reign.
The abomination you painted in your narrow mind,
Was no more than an eccentric brother yet to find
Utter compliance you seek,
Yet of vain dejection you only reek.
The enmity that guides your every line
Is but poison you gulped instead of light so divine.
Depart from the ignorance that compels you,
Underneath the deception lies all that is true.
GayI am gay.
I'm not a disease, I'm not a problem
I'm not an affliction
I don't need treatment.
I don't need help
I'm not sick
I'm not confused
I'm not a sin.
I am gay.
I'm your daughter
Your co worker
A complete stranger
I am gay.
I need love, just like you
I need smiles
I need support
I need a hug
I need a friend
I need a family
I need acceptance
I need understanding
I need you
I am gay.
I know what love is
I know what pain is
I know what hate is
I know what life is
I am gay.
And I need you to love me
The same way you loved me before you knew
I am gay.
And I have experienced hate
From more people than just you
I am gay.
And I wont change.
I wont give up.
I wont back down.
I wont pretend.
I wont lie.
I wont deny.
I wont hide.
I wont hurt.
I am gay.
And that's okay.
There is a weight
You asked me to hold.
(Just for a while,
Just for a while.)
My tendons strain and snap,
I lack your Atlas strength.
The crushing force of gravity
Makes me weak, makes me sore.
Take it back, take it back,
But you’ve gone away.
I’m sinking down, I’m sinking down.
The water rises to my throat.
Pushing down, rising up
Drowning and drowning and drowning.
Take it back, please take it back,
Where have you gone?
I’m pinned beneath this weight,
With water to my nose.
My lungs fill up with salt,
Choking and screaming and breathing
Only freezing thickness of water.
Where is that mild friend oxygen?
Where has he gone?
My stinging eyes are blind here.
I cannot to escape, unwilling
To shed this leaden snare
Wherein I dwell confined.
I grip it tightly.
Surely I will die,
Sweet air has left my blood
I lay back and let black water take me,
Frozen fingers loosen on Your weight.
And all at once
it falls away
I watch i
HetaliaxDepressed!Reader:Self-Inflicted AchromaticHetalia x Scary! Depressed! Reader: Self-Inflicted Achromatic
I want to be a person just like you, don't you see?
I want to be a person who is still being "me"
A tired sigh escaped your lips. You were just so damn tired. The other countries said that you, (f/n) or (c/n), was scarier than Russia himself. But of course, you have lived 2500 years with wars and bloodshed always trailing after you. You just really want to be happy. But all those wars and blood imprinted on your mind, you really just released off a dark (a/c) aura and a stoic atmosphere.
It really would be nice but I'm paying a price
'Cause I'd really, not be me and that would not suffice
You asked yourself, "I know my face doesn't show my pain. But isn't it obvious in my eyes? I'm lonely and hurt" You rubbed your numb (s/c) wrist, yesterday's cuts still had a colorless ache to it. You picked your silver knife, twirling it around watching the others argue. The said knife is the one you also use to cut yourself.
A dream which
The GardeniasI told you I had wildflowers growing in my veins
and you thought it was quaint,
so when I took shears to my jugular -
you wouldn’t help me cut them out.
You thought I’d be opheliac
if they bloomed, splashing white
into my already paling wrists.
Maybe you thought the perfume would purify me
and being a tragic heroine
would be better than just being tragic.
Their roots choked out my heart and
to my blood
as I died,
drowning in the after-effects of Pretty,
all I could hear
was you telling me that you loved
that I had Gardenias in my eyes.
On losing a friend(it did not end in tears.)
I could give you armfuls of oceans, great
mountain ranges wrapped in silver bows,
a coral reef gleaming like a sapphire chain
but you will always ask for a dormant volcano
and a star you can hold in your palm.
And I have tried to be that star, have tried to
combust bright enough, shrink small enough
but it is never enough for you. You kiss my
mouth with those carmine lips and swallow my
heartbeat with your gentle laugh and I glow
I glow and you go you go you go on stringing
me along a trail of crumbs, making me forget
that I am starving myself for your table scraps.
I could press the slats of pre-dawn light into your
answering machine, could fold dust columns that
fall between venetian archways into your bedsheets,
could hang the lost jewels of jaguar fangs clattering
above your dreamcatcher and you would only ask for
a dormant volcano and a brittle sea-salt glass wave.
And I have tried to capture the tides and I have tried
to blow glass but my hands are clum